Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in angelof_hero's LiveJournal:

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Monday, February 27th, 2006
12:19 pm	This is interesting Got this from a freind, figured it was worth a whirl. Gay Preference You scored -20 (-52 being completely gay, 0 being bisexual, and 52 being completely straight) You are not exclusively homosexual, but you prefer the same sex over the opposite sex. While you might be willing to fool around with the opposite sex to some extent, you would go all the way with the same sex. If you are sexually inexperienced, it is possible that this could change after you do some experimenting. My test tracked 1 variable How you compared to other people your age and gender: You scored higher than 17% on Orientation Link: The Sexuality Spectrum Test written by tall_man_54 on Ok Cupid, home of the 32-Type Dating Test So... I didn't sleep at all last night. Not sure what is going on, but I have a lot to do today. Hopefully I'll make it through without falling asleep. (Comment on this)
Tuesday, February 7th, 2006
7:13 am	I can't find anything! Good god I don't know what is wrong with me tonight. My ipod headphones are missing, and I cannot find them. My Precious has saved me so many times in the past, and now the god damn headphones are gone! Where are they? Where's Bill? Who knows? AHHHHHHHHHHHH It dosn't end there. I can't find my nailclippers. Who knows where they ran off to? And what happend to my date on Saterday? Has anyone seen him? I sure havent. What the hell? What the fuck is wrong with me? I feel like the fat loser kid in 5th grade; everyone laughs at him and he's clumpy as fuck. And he never gets a date. Right now my pattern of life is chaos. It surrounds me like a whirlpool, in everything I try to do. Everyone else appears content and peaceful. Lucky them. Ok enough whining. (Comment on this)
Monday, February 6th, 2006
4:26 am	I am a liar I just realized something important, after a weekend of reading and relaxing and getting almost nothing done. I am a very bad liar. I can remember sitting in my room when I moved to Georgia, thinking about the different world I was in. I remember being excited about the new house, about the new school and new people, and my new room. It had it's own bathroom, and the bedroom itself was a werid octoganal shape which made organizing the furniture rather interesting. I can remember very well unpacking the high school yearbook from my freshman year, and crying. I never belived in yearbooks. I thought they were a waste of money. No one would remember would care who I was or what I looked like, and I sure as hell didn't want to remember anything of it either. Bullies, asshole teachers, shitty freinds and cheap ass classrooms. So why was I crying then? Why now, just before my senior year, am I having these feelings? I wasn't looking at the pictures of all the bullies. Nor all the jocks I used to oggle. I didn't even glance at the stupid teachers or all those photo's of the cheerleading squads doing thier thing. I was looking at the pictures of two of my best freinds. In a world of anger, depression, chaos and exploration, they were the ones that mattered most to me. They were the ones that stood up for me in the locker room, or sat with me at lunch, or hung out with me in the weekends. I knew that I would miss them, and I mentally prepared for it. After all, I'm a 2 year councilor. I've seen and heard all the homesickness stories, or eulegies of depression and suicide. I'm much stronger than that! I, of all people, would recognize the symptomes and know just exactly what to do, just like I have always done at summer camp. That was probably the worst lie in my life. My foolish pride blinded me. I thought that I could surpass all those other loosers who were steeped down in depression and sadness. I didn't recognize the warning signs, and when I finnally did I was too sad to care. I did a lot of stupid things to myself. And worse of all I could not get over thinking that my two best freinds would know what to do. If I was still there, I would have been saved. I would be happy. These thoughts tormented me for months on end, and I didn't know a single night were I didn't fall asleep crying. My Dad would ask me "David, are you ok?" I would reply "Yeah, I'm fine". He would look at me, a look of sadness and dissapointment in his eyes, and ask "Would you tell me if you were?". All this time I thought he was as blind as a bat when it came to human emotion. Tally one more to my growing list of mistakes. Now I look at myself, and I wonder "If I cannot be true to myself, how the hell am I supposed to be true to everyone else?". I'm working on it. (Comment on this)
Friday, January 20th, 2006
4:26 pm	Mystery I'm trying to sort out a mystery. I woke up this morning about 10 minuts before class. I fall, literally, out of bed and get my rear to Arts and Sciences. As I'm walking there, I'm thinking "what did I do last night?" I remember drinking at my place, then going to a freinds house. After that, I wake up in bed with my PJ's on, and I'm still drunk. After classes, I got back to my place and chatted with Hannah. She had a weird smile on her face, and she's telling me how funny I was at The Brick. How did I get downtown? I don't remember going there or comming back, and this scares me. So... I'm calling all my freinds to see what elce I did last night. Hopefully the mystery gets solved. (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Wednesday, January 18th, 2006
8:35 pm	Ironic I have a class in the afternoon where it's overcrowded, hot and noisy I go there for Mass Media to learn how to advertize I meet lots of people Southern people, they like to talk girls chat about Lacuna Beach guys banter about Family Guy I talk to the girl behind me a pretty red head girl She tells me she's taking French and we talk about her course As I give her adivice on how to study and prepare, I feel eyes on me from someone in the back row I meet the stare with a nod Wondering "is he looking at me?" He's a handsom man, slim and tall Blond red hair and blue eyes My speech falters and my heartrate increases He dosn't aknowledge my nod but he has my every attention I snap back to reality the pretty girl is staring at me wondering if anything is wrong I go on with my advice It was a magical moment one I havent felt since high school I felt guilty, dissapointed, ashamed, immature, yet strangly hopeful... He is everything I could ask for He was kind, thoughtful, with a nice smile, that matched his eyes I wondered, if he could be the one I listen for his name in class I rush back to my place I look him up on facebook and I see his handsom picture As I look at his profile, I realize I was almost right he is everything I could ask for everything, yet straight He has albums of pictures at parties, with freinds and roomates. Pictures of familly, trips, homecomming, even random days But foremost and most frequent are the pictures of his girl she is beautiful, sincere and crazy about her boy The magic fades from the moment and I slump in my chair What a thrill, I think to myself Get used to it. (Comment on this)
Monday, December 26th, 2005
3:59 pm	Christmas! Christmas was a huge success over here. I got my sisters "Star Ocean: Till the end of time" and the other one I got the Kill Bill Vol.1 and 2 soundtracks, which are amazing. Denise gave me a notebook of poems she made, which are AMAZING (when did she become a writer? She dosn't even like to read...) and Katherine got me a game called Soul Caliber 2, which is hard as all hell to play but it's a good multiplayer game. However, the real treat came in a box. My parents got me a new laptop for Christmas! I was very excited, and Dad got all the antivirus and antispyware software loaded on and I got Outlook and my messangers on. In addition to the laptop they gave me a napsack that is compatible with the laptop, so I can carrry it easily to class and all. It even has a liittle hole on the top so I can fit the ipod earbuds through! hehe. This should be a very fun christmas break indeed. (Comment on this)
Wednesday, December 14th, 2005
4:30 pm	Home again I am home again, and this time home feels more like a sanctuary than a prison, which is a first since... ever. Milledgeville was getting a little hectic, with Nick blaming his arrest he got for stalking his girl friend, Roman accusing me of hiding the garage door openers, and Jared thinking I stole his PS2 cords. Add finals to that, and the fact that I probably failed calculus and physics, and that makes a pretty stressful past few weeks. I suppose there are a few good things to say about this semesester. I'm a recognized volunteer now. I'm an official servent leader with all priviages and responcibilities inclueded. I am running Kids on the Block with a smart, pretty and very motivated freind, who is very much a team player and is very enjoyable to work with. Whats more, and most importantly, is that Pi Kappa Phi has had an awesome semester. We've secessfully initiated 11 very respectable men, we've ended up in the front page of the Colinade for our participation in Fall Brawl and we've pulled off 3 major volunteer efforts, which was coordinated by me and I have been re-elected as our philantrophy chair. I have a lot of plans and goals for next semseter, and things are looking good at that end of the battleground. I'm glad to be home. I wasn't feeling too good last week, and it hasn't gotten better. I'm losing friends, I'm gaining a lot more, yet I still feel drained. Someone said something to be, well several things, that really hurt. I cried last night. I havent done that in a while. On the same token, I'm meeting up with an old freind here, and I look forward to that. I'm also talking to this kid online, he claims he dosn't know how he got my screen name but he's freindly enough to talk to. I told him there was no way of us getting together, and he addmitted to having a huge crush on me. I'm complimented. No one has told me that in a long time. I do feel regretful that we will never see each other in real life, but oh well. I think I've finally gotten used to the fact, and it's about time I did. I suppose we all grow up eventually. Home feels good. I'm sitting here with 2 laptops, working for my parents and keeping busy online for the most part. Here is an overabundance of movies to watch, the dogs and cats and hermit crabs and all our pets are freindly as ever. There are a lot of cheeses, crakers, chocolates, and strange and forien beers and beverages to have when my parents invite people over. I'm starting to get lonely, but for now everything is quite comfortable. (Comment on this)
Tuesday, December 6th, 2005
11:24 pm	AIM screenname change My AIM has changed, I'm getting rid of all the old screen names that arn't active anymore. Ask if you want to know what the new one is, and if you don't, well then don't ask silly! (Comment on this)
Sunday, November 27th, 2005
7:38 pm	AIM/Yahoo gone I won't be on AIM or Yahoo for awhile... my old laptop got a new hard drive and I'm not supposed to add or use AIM or Yahoo on it so I won't be on there for awhile. So... send me an email on facebook or myspace. If you don't have either then call me. If you don't have my phone number... then oh well... (Comment on this)
Wednesday, November 2nd, 2005
12:08 am	Shocking Yeah, apparently a student was stabbed and killed on halloween like a block from my house. I got an email saying Even Luke had dies in the hospital, and I was thinking "Oh Shit". I was outside, walking back from the bars at the time he was stabbed, and that kind of freakes me out. They have the suspect(s) in custody now, but the news is still shocking. A student murdered a block away from where I live... in Milledgeville... of all places...it's just unreal. Luke was in Kappa Sigma, and when I passed by thier house there were a lot of people offering condolence. (Comment on this)
Monday, October 24th, 2005
2:04 am	ADD, bitches and the good life Yeah, so I've gotten nothing done this entire week... I go to classes and all but I couldn't sit down and do my work if it killed me. I would literally sit down, put my name on the paper, then freeze... then I'd walk off and go find something elce to do. Everyone I talk to says that I probably have ADD, yet this is the first time I've had this problem... weird. Ben is starting to really piss me off. Why does he have to be such a bitch? For one thing I'm not happy about the fact that he stopped talking to me like I was a bad habit shortly after the break up with Wes. I thought mabye he was busy. He would never answer calls, never talk online. Yet he has time to hang out with everyone elce... whatever. Now we do talk again, and he is pretending to act like a different person. He's also doing his best to be an asshole. Talking to him is almost as fusterating as listening to a mosquito whine. I wish I had never met him now. Volunteering is going well... I think I might go into that feild when I grow up. It's a lot of fun. This weekend I was at a potato drive, helping out. Kendall, the lady in charge, put me in charge of a bunch of people in organizing piles. I love leading, and I also love delegating. Hehe. Anyway, that was a lot of fun. I am planning a raffle fundraisor for PUSH America, as well as a table on main campus to raise some awareness. My major project for November will be organizing an Empathy Day, where students and teachers will go around in wheelchairs and what not for a day and see what it is like to be stuck in a wheelchair. I am working with Kendall on calling places and asking for wheelchairs to work with. It would be awesome if I could get some administration to follow as well, as they would be able to see how hard it is to get into certain buildings. I was thinking about running for a position on our executive council for my fraternity, but now I've descided that I am happy where I am right now. Being Deans Cup Chair and Philantrophy Chair is all I love for right now. I'm looking online for a boy freind again, and I'm surprised at how many winks and emails I've gotten already. All of them are from people out of town, so it wouldn't work out anyway, but still... (Comment on this)
Monday, October 17th, 2005
1:20 am	Which "R" you filled with? Life is going steady, I suppose. Still behind in my schoolwork, still behind in yard work, and still going steady being single. Sometimes I feel like Cowboy Beepbop; you can be a hero and save the galexy, yet at the end of the day your still hungry and in the same situation you were in before. I'm neck deep in fraternity events now. It's my job to make aware of certain events that we can score points in to the entire chapter, and as the leader I try to make it to every single one. I don't think I am doing too bad of a job. Just a lot of paperwork, and I get to tell people what to do :)I like being busy in all that, it makes me feel like my life has a purpose. Plus being greeted half a dozen times a day by people you know with a bright smile on thier faces is absolutly priceless. My parents came down last friday, and we worked a long time on the front yard of the house. It looks really good now, although I am worried about one of the trees, it isn't looking too good. Spent Saterday and today hanging out with freinds, and that was a nice relaxing vacation from school. Now I have some catch up to do. I'll get through it; I always do. Despite being in a comfortable situation, I still cannot shake the feeling that I am missing out on something. There is something out there calling me, sometimes it's so loud I can feel it shouting. I don't know what it is, other than that I should be doing something, that I shouldn't be here. Mabye it's my bordom with Milledgeville, mabye it's me being single. Who knows. It wouldn't be the first time I had this feeling, and every time I do I wonder what the weather is like in San Fransisco. I don't know what it is about me that is never satisfied... I wish I could just slap myself and tell myself that I'm being self centered, but every time I do the feeling still dosn't go away. I guess I am mostly filled with Regret. I shouldn't have moved here, I shouldn't have left my freinds. I shouldn't have met all my ex's, their memories only make me feel worse. I shouldn't have cut myself, I shouldn't have gotten caught cutting myself. I hope one day to get over my regrets, and start looking forward instead of behind. But it's hard when you keep getting kicked in the ass whenever you turn your back on your past. Seeing the councilor has helped, I think, and now we have backed the meetings off to every two weeks. I am glad I went. Current Mood: contemplative Current Music: HIM- Join me in death (Comment on this)
Friday, September 30th, 2005
4:04 am	OK here are some of the photos http://us.f3.yahoofs.com/users/4250d596z93f49a36/f7c3/__sr_/e793.jpg?phAZPPDBzYOg8g55 http://us.f3.yahoofs.com/users/4250d596z93f49a36/f7c3/__sr_/506a.jpg?phOaPPDBh6mVn3Ac http://us.f3.yahoofs.com/users/4250d596z93f49a36/f7c3/__sr_/c2f7.jpg?phlaPPDBNmzOwzf8 (Comment on this)
Wednesday, September 28th, 2005
8:29 pm	I pressed the Reboot button I know it's been a long time since I have updated. I guess I lost the discipline. I've changed a lot of things about my life, and I guess you could say I'm happier now. Breaking up with Wes, plus friction between my fraternity and my sence of self and all the schoolwork just boiled up one night and I ended up in the hopital after 3 days of drinking, 2 hours of sleep and a cut about a centimeter deep in my arm. Another one to add to the collection I guess. It was then that I realized just how many people I can affect in such a bad way. The entire active fraternity showed up at the hospital, not to mention the girls that drove me stayed with me through the stitches. My big bro even got out of work early, just in time to arrive at the hospital and get me out of there before the cops were about to take me to an institution. It was then that I descided to change somethings. I'm as active as ever with my fraternity; I hold the philantrophy chair and I created (and incidentally got elected into) the Deans Cup chair. That and 17 hours of schoolwork is keeping me quite busy. This weekend I go, with 8 others, to LaGrange, GA to help build a playground that is accessable to kids with disabilities. Should be lots of fun. I see a councilor now, and that is going suprisingly well, considering my history with counsilors and my bias against them. I've changed how I look, how I think about myself, and I feel better now. People tell me that they have noticed that I walk differently now, and that the hair cut defiently fits. I even wear a hat now, that says Pi Kappa Phi on it. I look, and feel, every bit like an average fraternity boy now lol. I'll post a pic sometime. If you ever went to Buffingtons on Monday you would have seen me stripping at an auction for the highest bidder. The money went to our national philantrophy. I even got my best girl freind to strip me on stage! It was a lot of fun, and judging by the looks on the girls faces I could tell they approved. It feels nice to feel like I look good. I know some people tell me that, but it means more when it showes on their faces lol. I try to keep cool about all this, not to let it get to my head. But it does feel good knowing that I look great. I'm thinking about moving to California. I know it's expensive as hell to live there, but it might be worth it. The excitement, the scenes, the people, the clubs and the social life all appeals to me. Georgia is a good enough place I suppose, but it's too stuck up. Living in Milledgeville is good enough I suppose, but I guess having a relationship means more to me. I can't stand living in a place where your love life is known throught the gay circle better than you know it. Nor can I stand it when there isn't much of an option in who is available. No offence to anyone on campus, but I have learned what kind of person I need to have near me. Kudos to counciling. There is a really bad case of mono going around anyway. Perhaps it's a bad time for a relationship. 2 people I know of has it... ironically a gay guy I know on campus and one of my pledges. I know they arn't connected, but I do know that they arn't the only ones with it. I hope everyone gets better soon! (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Friday, August 19th, 2005
8:22 am	College is going awesome, although Physics and English is going to be really hard. I've got a goal to achieve 4.0, and I need all the help I can get. Fraternity rushing is going awesome too, lots of people interested. Keeping me very occupied, plus seeing everyone again is lots of fun. Wes is angry at me, I'm sure everyone knows by now, hopefully I can get that straightened out before too long. I'm considering about playing poker online for money. I know one of my roomates does it all the time, usually with a fair amount of sucess. I kinda need money, and it's one way to get it while staying in school. Gas is getting very expensive, and I don't have very much money to buy more gas. Mabye I should start playing poker. (Comment on this)
Wednesday, August 10th, 2005
10:22 am	Yay! My dad found an old webcamera, and Wes found the software for it! I'm having a lot of fun playing around with it. I know I've said this before, but I can't wait till college starts. I'm getting stuff packed up, beguinning the countdown till takeoff. Ohh I found this on someones myspace profile, I just had to take the quiz. You're a passionate kisser. You like for your kisses to mean something, You like to gaze into someone's eyes before you kiss them, and maybe you even keep your eyes open during a kiss. You enjoy kissing and your partner probably does too. What kind of || Kisser || are you? ((With kool anime pics)) -|-For guys and girls-|- brought to you by Quizilla Awww isn't that cute? (Comment on this)
Saturday, August 6th, 2005
12:09 am	You scored as Exciting. You are exciting, people want to fuck your brains out and you know it. Whether it's in an airplane or on the back of the bus, sex with you is always exciting. </td> Exciting 88% Soft 63% Sweet 63% Shy 50% Hot 44% Violent 25% Awkward 6% Wet 0% What is your sexual style? created with QuizFarm.com (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Wednesday, August 3rd, 2005
9:35 pm	2 weeks till college, and I can't hardy wait to see Wes again! I will be taking 17 hours, plus fraternity stuff and extracurriculars is going to keep me busy! Work still sucks, but what elce is new? I can't wait to get out of there too. (Comment on this)
Tuesday, August 2nd, 2005
6:44 pm	You Are The Suave Gay Man What Type Of Gay Man Are You? brought to you by Quizilla Haha yeah thats cool :) (Comment on this)
Thursday, July 28th, 2005
8:46 pm	Your Deadly Sins Lust: 80% Greed: 40% Envy: 20% Pride: 20% Sloth: 20% Gluttony: 0% Wrath: 0% Chance You'll Go to Hell: 26% You'll die while in the throws of passion - the best way to go. How Sinful Are You? (2 Comments |Comment on this)