"Life is good!"

This is interesting

2006-02-27T12:21:05Z

Got this from a freind, figured it was worth a whirl.

Gay Preference

You scored -20 (-52 being completely gay, 0 being bisexual, and 52 being completely straight)

You are not exclusively homosexual, but you prefer the same sex over the opposite sex. While you might be willing to fool around with the opposite sex to some extent, you would go all the way with the same sex. If you are sexually inexperienced, it is possible that this could change after you do some experimenting.

My test tracked 1 variable How you compared to other people your age and gender:

You scored higher than 17% on Orientation

Link: The Sexuality Spectrum Test written by tall_man_54 on Ok Cupid, home of the 32-Type Dating Test

So... I didn't sleep at all last night. Not sure what is going on, but I have a lot to do today. Hopefully I'll make it through without falling asleep.

I can't find anything!

2006-02-07T07:18:54Z

Good god I don't know what is wrong with me tonight. My ipod headphones are missing, and I cannot find them. My Precious has saved me so many times in the past, and now the god damn headphones are gone! Where are they? Where's Bill? Who knows? AHHHHHHHHHHHH

It dosn't end there. I can't find my nailclippers. Who knows where they ran off to?

And what happend to my date on Saterday? Has anyone seen him? I sure havent. What the hell?

What the fuck is wrong with me? I feel like the fat loser kid in 5th grade; everyone laughs at him and he's clumpy as fuck. And he never gets a date.

Right now my pattern of life is chaos. It surrounds me like a whirlpool, in everything I try to do. Everyone else appears content and peaceful. Lucky them.

Ok enough whining.

I am a liar

2006-02-06T04:45:55Z

I just realized something important, after a weekend of reading and relaxing and getting almost nothing done. I am a very bad liar.

I can remember sitting in my room when I moved to Georgia, thinking about the different world I was in. I remember being excited about the new house, about the new school and new people, and my new room. It had it's own bathroom, and the bedroom itself was a werid octoganal shape which made organizing the furniture rather interesting. I can remember very well unpacking the high school yearbook from my freshman year, and crying.

I never belived in yearbooks. I thought they were a waste of money. No one would remember would care who I was or what I looked like, and I sure as hell didn't want to remember anything of it either. Bullies, asshole teachers, shitty freinds and cheap ass classrooms. So why was I crying then? Why now, just before my senior year, am I having these feelings?

I wasn't looking at the pictures of all the bullies. Nor all the jocks I used to oggle. I didn't even glance at the stupid teachers or all those photo's of the cheerleading squads doing thier thing. I was looking at the pictures of two of my best freinds. In a world of anger, depression, chaos and exploration, they were the ones that mattered most to me. They were the ones that stood up for me in the locker room, or sat with me at lunch, or hung out with me in the weekends. I knew that I would miss them, and I mentally prepared for it. After all, I'm a 2 year councilor. I've seen and heard all the homesickness stories, or eulegies of depression and suicide. I'm much stronger than that! I, of all people, would recognize the symptomes and know just exactly what to do, just like I have always done at summer camp. That was probably the worst lie in my life.

My foolish pride blinded me. I thought that I could surpass all those other loosers who were steeped down in depression and sadness. I didn't recognize the warning signs, and when I finnally did I was too sad to care. I did a lot of stupid things to myself. And worse of all I could not get over thinking that my two best freinds would know what to do. If I was still there, I would have been saved. I would be happy. These thoughts tormented me for months on end, and I didn't know a single night were I didn't fall asleep crying. My Dad would ask me "David, are you ok?" I would reply "Yeah, I'm fine". He would look at me, a look of sadness and dissapointment in his eyes, and ask "Would you tell me if you were?".

All this time I thought he was as blind as a bat when it came to human emotion. Tally one more to my growing list of mistakes.

Now I look at myself, and I wonder "If I cannot be true to myself, how the hell am I supposed to be true to everyone else?".

I'm working on it.

Mystery

2006-01-20T16:52:10Z

I'm trying to sort out a mystery. I woke up this morning about 10 minuts before class. I fall, literally, out of bed and get my rear to Arts and Sciences. As I'm walking there, I'm thinking "what did I do last night?" I remember drinking at my place, then going to a freinds house. After that, I wake up in bed with my PJ's on, and I'm still drunk. After classes, I got back to my place and chatted with Hannah. She had a weird smile on her face, and she's telling me how funny I was at The Brick. How did I get downtown? I don't remember going there or comming back, and this scares me. So... I'm calling all my freinds to see what elce I did last night. Hopefully the mystery gets solved.

Ironic

2006-01-18T20:53:33Z

I have a class in the afternoon
where it's overcrowded, hot and noisy
I go there for Mass Media
to learn how to advertize

I meet lots of people
Southern people, they like to talk
girls chat about Lacuna Beach
guys banter about Family Guy

I talk to the girl behind me
a pretty red head girl
She tells me she's taking French
and we talk about her course

As I give her adivice
on how to study and prepare,
I feel eyes on me
from someone in the back row

I meet the stare with a nod
Wondering "is he looking at me?"
He's a handsom man, slim and tall
Blond red hair and blue eyes

My speech falters
and my heartrate increases
He dosn't aknowledge my nod
but he has my every attention

I snap back to reality
the pretty girl is staring at me
wondering if anything is wrong
I go on with my advice

It was a magical moment
one I havent felt since high school
I felt guilty, dissapointed,
ashamed, immature, yet strangly
hopeful...

He is everything I could ask for
He was kind, thoughtful, with
a nice smile, that matched his eyes
I wondered, if he could be the one

I listen for his name in class
I rush back to my place
I look him up on facebook
and I see his handsom picture

As I look at his profile,
I realize I was almost right
he is everything I could ask for
everything, yet straight

He has albums of pictures
at parties, with freinds and
roomates. Pictures of familly, trips,
homecomming, even random days

But foremost and most frequent
are the pictures of his girl
she is beautiful, sincere
and crazy about her boy

The magic fades from the moment
and I slump in my chair
What a thrill, I
think to myself

Get used to it.

Christmas!

2005-12-26T16:05:41Z

Christmas was a huge success over here. I got my sisters "Star Ocean: Till the end of time" and the other one I got the Kill Bill Vol.1 and 2 soundtracks, which are amazing. Denise gave me a notebook of poems she made, which are AMAZING (when did she become a writer? She dosn't even like to read...) and Katherine got me a game called Soul Caliber 2, which is hard as all hell to play but it's a good multiplayer game. However, the real treat came in a box. My parents got me a new laptop for Christmas! I was very excited, and Dad got all the antivirus and antispyware software loaded on and I got Outlook and my messangers on. In addition to the laptop they gave me a napsack that is compatible with the laptop, so I can carrry it easily to class and all. It even has a liittle hole on the top so I can fit the ipod earbuds through! hehe. This should be a very fun christmas break indeed.

Home again

2005-12-14T22:44:42Z

I am home again, and this time home feels more like a sanctuary than a prison, which is a first since... ever. Milledgeville was getting a little hectic, with Nick blaming his arrest he got for stalking his girl friend, Roman accusing me of hiding the garage door openers, and Jared thinking I stole his PS2 cords. Add finals to that, and the fact that I probably failed calculus and physics, and that makes a pretty stressful past few weeks.

I suppose there are a few good things to say about this semesester. I'm a recognized volunteer now. I'm an official servent leader with all priviages and responcibilities inclueded. I am running Kids on the Block with a smart, pretty and very motivated freind, who is very much a team player and is very enjoyable to work with.

Whats more, and most importantly, is that Pi Kappa Phi has had an awesome semester. We've secessfully initiated 11 very respectable men, we've ended up in the front page of the Colinade for our participation in Fall Brawl and we've pulled off 3 major volunteer efforts, which was coordinated by me and I have been re-elected as our philantrophy chair. I have a lot of plans and goals for next semseter, and things are looking good at that end of the battleground.

I'm glad to be home. I wasn't feeling too good last week, and it hasn't gotten better. I'm losing friends, I'm gaining a lot more, yet I still feel drained. Someone said something to be, well several things, that really hurt. I cried last night. I havent done that in a while.

On the same token, I'm meeting up with an old freind here, and I look forward to that. I'm also talking to this kid online, he claims he dosn't know how he got my screen name but he's freindly enough to talk to. I told him there was no way of us getting together, and he addmitted to having a huge crush on me. I'm complimented. No one has told me that in a long time. I do feel regretful that we will never see each other in real life, but oh well. I think I've finally gotten used to the fact, and it's about time I did. I suppose we all grow up eventually.

Home feels good. I'm sitting here with 2 laptops, working for my parents and keeping busy online for the most part. Here is an overabundance of movies to watch, the dogs and cats and hermit crabs and all our pets are freindly as ever. There are a lot of cheeses, crakers, chocolates, and strange and forien beers and beverages to have when my parents invite people over. I'm starting to get lonely, but for now everything is quite comfortable.

AIM screenname change

2005-12-07T04:26:18Z

My AIM has changed, I'm getting rid of all the old screen names that arn't active anymore. Ask if you want to know what the new one is, and if you don't, well then don't ask silly!

AIM/Yahoo gone

2005-11-28T00:40:12Z

I won't be on AIM or Yahoo for awhile... my old laptop got a new hard drive and I'm not supposed to add or use AIM or Yahoo on it so I won't be on there for awhile. So... send me an email on facebook or myspace. If you don't have either then call me. If you don't have my phone number... then oh well...

Shocking

2005-11-02T05:08:37Z

Yeah, apparently a student was stabbed and killed on halloween like a block from my house. I got an email saying Even Luke had dies in the hospital, and I was thinking "Oh Shit". I was outside, walking back from the bars at the time he was stabbed, and that kind of freakes me out. They have the suspect(s) in custody now, but the news is still shocking. A student murdered a block away from where I live... in Milledgeville... of all places...it's just unreal.

Luke was in Kappa Sigma, and when I passed by thier house there were a lot of people offering condolence.

ADD, bitches and the good life

2005-10-24T06:29:11Z

Yeah, so I've gotten nothing done this entire week... I go to classes and all but I couldn't sit down and do my work if it killed me. I would literally sit down, put my name on the paper, then freeze... then I'd walk off and go find something elce to do. Everyone I talk to says that I probably have ADD, yet this is the first time I've had this problem... weird.

Ben is starting to really piss me off. Why does he have to be such a bitch? For one thing I'm not happy about the fact that he stopped talking to me like I was a bad habit shortly after the break up with Wes. I thought mabye he was busy. He would never answer calls, never talk online. Yet he has time to hang out with everyone elce... whatever. Now we do talk again, and he is pretending to act like a different person. He's also doing his best to be an asshole. Talking to him is almost as fusterating as listening to a mosquito whine. I wish I had never met him now.

Volunteering is going well... I think I might go into that feild when I grow up. It's a lot of fun. This weekend I was at a potato drive, helping out. Kendall, the lady in charge, put me in charge of a bunch of people in organizing piles. I love leading, and I also love delegating. Hehe. Anyway, that was a lot of fun. I am planning a raffle fundraisor for PUSH America, as well as a table on main campus to raise some awareness. My major project for November will be organizing an Empathy Day, where students and teachers will go around in wheelchairs and what not for a day and see what it is like to be stuck in a wheelchair. I am working with Kendall on calling places and asking for wheelchairs to work with. It would be awesome if I could get some administration to follow as well, as they would be able to see how hard it is to get into certain buildings. I was thinking about running for a position on our executive council for my fraternity, but now I've descided that I am happy where I am right now. Being Deans Cup Chair and Philantrophy Chair is all I love for right now.

I'm looking online for a boy freind again, and I'm surprised at how many winks and emails I've gotten already. All of them are from people out of town, so it wouldn't work out anyway, but still...

Which "R" you filled with?

2005-10-17T05:21:10Z

Life is going steady, I suppose. Still behind in my schoolwork, still behind in yard work, and still going steady being single. Sometimes I feel like Cowboy Beepbop; you can be a hero and save the galexy, yet at the end of the day your still hungry and in the same situation you were in before.

I'm neck deep in fraternity events now. It's my job to make aware of certain events that we can score points in to the entire chapter, and as the leader I try to make it to every single one. I don't think I am doing too bad of a job. Just a lot of paperwork, and I get to tell people what to do :)I like being busy in all that, it makes me feel like my life has a purpose. Plus being greeted half a dozen times a day by people you know with a bright smile on thier faces is absolutly priceless.

My parents came down last friday, and we worked a long time on the front yard of the house. It looks really good now, although I am worried about one of the trees, it isn't looking too good. Spent Saterday and today hanging out with freinds, and that was a nice relaxing vacation from school. Now I have some catch up to do. I'll get through it; I always do.

Despite being in a comfortable situation, I still cannot shake the feeling that I am missing out on something. There is something out there calling me, sometimes it's so loud I can feel it shouting. I don't know what it is, other than that I should be doing something, that I shouldn't be here. Mabye it's my bordom with Milledgeville, mabye it's me being single. Who knows. It wouldn't be the first time I had this feeling, and every time I do I wonder what the weather is like in San Fransisco. I don't know what it is about me that is never satisfied... I wish I could just slap myself and tell myself that I'm being self centered, but every time I do the feeling still dosn't go away.

I guess I am mostly filled with Regret. I shouldn't have moved here, I shouldn't have left my freinds. I shouldn't have met all my ex's, their memories only make me feel worse. I shouldn't have cut myself, I shouldn't have gotten caught cutting myself. I hope one day to get over my regrets, and start looking forward instead of behind. But it's hard when you keep getting kicked in the ass whenever you turn your back on your past.

Seeing the councilor has helped, I think, and now we have backed the meetings off to every two weeks. I am glad I went.

angelof_hero @ 2005-09-30T04:04:00

2005-09-30T08:06:32Z

OK here are some of the photos

http://us.f3.yahoofs.com/users/4250d596z93f49a36/f7c3/__sr_/e793.jpg?phAZPPDBzYOg8g55

http://us.f3.yahoofs.com/users/4250d596z93f49a36/f7c3/__sr_/506a.jpg?phOaPPDBh6mVn3Ac

http://us.f3.yahoofs.com/users/4250d596z93f49a36/f7c3/__sr_/c2f7.jpg?phlaPPDBNmzOwzf8

I pressed the Reboot button

2005-09-29T00:55:14Z

I know it's been a long time since I have updated. I guess I lost the discipline. I've changed a lot of things about my life, and I guess you could say I'm happier now. Breaking up with Wes, plus friction between my fraternity and my sence of self and all the schoolwork just boiled up one night and I ended up in the hopital after 3 days of drinking, 2 hours of sleep and a cut about a centimeter deep in my arm. Another one to add to the collection I guess. It was then that I realized just how many people I can affect in such a bad way. The entire active fraternity showed up at the hospital, not to mention the girls that drove me stayed with me through the stitches. My big bro even got out of work early, just in time to arrive at the hospital and get me out of there before the cops were about to take me to an institution. It was then that I descided to change somethings.

I'm as active as ever with my fraternity; I hold the philantrophy chair and I created (and incidentally got elected into) the Deans Cup chair. That and 17 hours of schoolwork is keeping me quite busy. This weekend I go, with 8 others, to LaGrange, GA to help build a playground that is accessable to kids with disabilities. Should be lots of fun. I see a councilor now, and that is going suprisingly well, considering my history with counsilors and my bias against them. I've changed how I look, how I think about myself, and I feel better now. People tell me that they have noticed that I walk differently now, and that the hair cut defiently fits. I even wear a hat now, that says Pi Kappa Phi on it. I look, and feel, every bit like an average fraternity boy now lol. I'll post a pic sometime.

If you ever went to Buffingtons on Monday you would have seen me stripping at an auction for the highest bidder. The money went to our national philantrophy. I even got my best girl freind to strip me on stage! It was a lot of fun, and judging by the looks on the girls faces I could tell they approved. It feels nice to feel like I look good. I know some people tell me that, but it means more when it showes on their faces lol. I try to keep cool about all this, not to let it get to my head. But it does feel good knowing that I look great.

I'm thinking about moving to California. I know it's expensive as hell to live there, but it might be worth it. The excitement, the scenes, the people, the clubs and the social life all appeals to me. Georgia is a good enough place I suppose, but it's too stuck up. Living in Milledgeville is good enough I suppose, but I guess having a relationship means more to me. I can't stand living in a place where your love life is known throught the gay circle better than you know it. Nor can I stand it when there isn't much of an option in who is available. No offence to anyone on campus, but I have learned what kind of person I need to have near me. Kudos to counciling.

There is a really bad case of mono going around anyway. Perhaps it's a bad time for a relationship. 2 people I know of has it... ironically a gay guy I know on campus and one of my pledges. I know they arn't connected, but I do know that they arn't the only ones with it. I hope everyone gets better soon!

angelof_hero @ 2005-08-19T08:22:00

2005-08-19T12:28:31Z

College is going awesome, although Physics and English is going to be really hard. I've got a goal to achieve 4.0, and I need all the help I can get. Fraternity rushing is going awesome too, lots of people interested. Keeping me very occupied, plus seeing everyone again is lots of fun. Wes is angry at me, I'm sure everyone knows by now, hopefully I can get that straightened out before too long.

I'm considering about playing poker online for money. I know one of my roomates does it all the time, usually with a fair amount of sucess. I kinda need money, and it's one way to get it while staying in school.

Gas is getting very expensive, and I don't have very much money to buy more gas. Mabye I should start playing poker.

angelof_hero @ 2005-08-10T10:22:00

2005-08-10T14:24:54Z

Yay! My dad found an old webcamera, and Wes found the software for it! I'm having a lot of fun playing around with it. I know I've said this before, but I can't wait till college starts. I'm getting stuff packed up, beguinning the countdown till takeoff.

Ohh I found this on someones myspace profile, I just had to take the quiz.

You're a passionate kisser. You like for your
kisses to mean something, You like to gaze into
someone's eyes before you kiss them, and maybe
you even keep your eyes open during a kiss. You
enjoy kissing and your partner probably does
too.

What kind of || Kisser || are you? ((With kool anime pics)) -|-For guys and girls-|-
brought to you by Quizilla

Awww isn't that cute?

angelof_hero @ 2005-08-06T00:09:00

2005-08-06T04:09:31Z

You scored as Exciting. You are exciting, people want to fuck your brains out and you know it. Whether it's in an airplane or on the back of the bus, sex with you is always exciting.

</td>

Exciting

88%

Soft

63%

Sweet

63%

Shy

50%

Hot

44%

Violent

25%

Awkward

Wet

What is your sexual style?
created with QuizFarm.com

angelof_hero @ 2005-08-03T21:35:00

2005-08-04T01:37:59Z

2 weeks till college, and I can't hardy wait to see Wes again! I will be taking 17 hours, plus fraternity stuff and extracurriculars is going to keep me busy! Work still sucks, but what elce is new? I can't wait to get out of there too.

angelof_hero @ 2005-08-02T18:44:00

2005-08-02T22:45:11Z

You Are The Suave Gay Man

What Type Of Gay Man Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

Haha yeah thats cool :)

angelof_hero @ 2005-07-28T20:46:00

2005-07-29T00:46:48Z

Your Deadly Sins

Lust: 80%

Greed: 40%

Envy: 20%

Pride: 20%

Sloth: 20%

Gluttony: 0%

Wrath: 0%

Chance You'll Go to Hell: 26%

You'll die while in the throws of passion - the best way to go.

How Sinful Are You?

angelof_hero @ 2005-07-26T05:12:00

2005-07-26T08:58:03Z

I know this is long but I had to try it... and I'm bored and insomia is setting in...

See how many you answer yes to.

1.smoked a cigarette - yes

2.smoked a cigar - no

3.made out with a member of the same sex - yes

4.crashed a friend's car - no

5.stolen a car - no

6.been in love - yes

7.been dumped - yes

8.shoplifted - no

9.been fired - no

10.been in a fist fight - no

11.snuck out of your house - yes

12.had feelings for someone who didnt have them back - yes

13.been arrested - no

14.made out with a stranger - no

15.gone on a blind date - no

16.lied to a friend - yes

17.had a crush on a teacher - no

18.skipped school - no

19.slept with a co-worker - no

20.seen someone die - no

21.been on a plane - yes

22.thrown up in a bar - no

23.taken painkillers - yes

24.love someone or miss someone right now - yes :(

25.laid on your back and watched cloud shapes go by - yes

26.made a snow angel - yes

27.played dress up - yes

28.cheated while playing a game - yes

29.been lonely - yes

30.fallen asleep at work/school - yes

31.used a fake id - no

32.felt an earthquake - no

33.touched a snake - yes

34.ran a red light - no

35.been suspended from school - yes

36.had detention - yes

37.been in a car accident - no

38.hated the way you look - yes

39.witnessed a crime - yes

40.pole danced - no

41.been lost - yes

42.been to the opposite side of the country - yes

43.felt like dying - yes

44.cried yourself to sleep - yes

45.played cops and robbers - yes

46.sang karaoke - yes

47.done something you told yourself you wouldn't - yes

48.laughed till some kind of beverage came out of your nose - yes

49.caught a snowflake on your tongue - yes

50.kissed in the rain - no

51.sing in the shower - no

52.made love in a park - no, but I would like to try...

53.had a dream that you married someone - no

54.glued your hand to something - no

55.got your tongue stuck to a flag pole - no

56.worn the opposite sex's clothes - no

57.had an orgasm - yes

58.sat on a roof top - yes

59.didn't take a shower for a week - yes

60.ever too scared to watch scary movies alone - yes

61.played chicken - yes

62.been pushed into a pool with all your clothes on - yes

63.been told you're hot by a complete stranger - yes

64.broken a bone - no

65.been easily amused - yes

66.laugh so hard you cry - yes

67.mooned/flashed someone- yes

68.cheated on a test - yes

69.forgotten someone's name - yes

70.slept naked - yes

71.gone skinny dipping in a pool - no

72.been kicked out of your house - no

73.blacked out from drinking - yes

74.played a prank on someone - no

75.gone to a late night movie - no

76.made love to anything not human - no (what the fuck?)

77.failed a class - yes

78.choked on something you're not supposed to eat - no

79.played an instrument for more than 10 hours - no

80.cheated on a gf/bf - no

81.ate a whole package of oreos - yes

82.thrown strange objects - yes

83.felt like killing someone -came close sometimes, but no

84.thought about running away - yes

85.ran away - yes

86.did drugs - yes

87.had detention and not attend it - no

88.yelled at parents - yes

89.made parent cry - yes

90.cried over someone - yes

91.owned more than 5 sharpies - no

92.dated someone more than once - no

93.have a dog - yes

94.have a cat - yes

95.own an instrument - yes

96.been in a band - no

97.had more than 25 sodas in one day - no

98.broken a cd - yes

99.shot a gun - yes

100.been on livejournal for more than 5 hours - no

angelof_hero @ 2005-07-10T11:12:00

2005-07-10T15:13:58Z

You're Justin. You are a student who would just
like to drop everything and create art. You
have a lot to learn about yourself and the
world around you. That's why everyone you hang
out with, besides your best friend, is older
than you.

Which Queer As Folk Character Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

AAAACCKKKK! It's Justin! Shit, I just creamed my pants.... damn it....

Yeah, I wish I looked like him. But anyway

Work blows, but I'm about to have my wisdom teeth removed so I'm out for a week. Yay!

angelof_hero @ 2005-06-22T20:32:00

2005-06-23T00:47:35Z

I think I have finally found out what is wrong with this country. Funny thing is that it took me so long to figure it out when it was right in front of my nose.

This thought came from me initialy thinking about the workers I saw yesterday. It was a small town, and likewise a small minded community. Which means that it was conservative and highly suspicious of outsiders. "Home of the brave" nonwithstanding, I saw with my own eyes these people eyeing me up as if I was an enemy soldier ready to attack at any moment. People would stare and stare, as if they have never seen someone from Roswell before. Anyway, I happened to listen in on a conversation between 2 workers on break. Thier conversation was of politics, a dangorous topic for this country now a-days. I can't quote theier exact words, but both were big bush supporters, and they talked of the french, the UN and India with some note of dissaproval. One guy tried to imitate the french accent (sounded like a pig snort and a honk to me) while the other talked of the UN and it's recent moves to kick the US out of thier society. I wanted to go up and ask those guys, who looked as if they were 50 years old or so, where they got thier impression of a frenchman and thier news that the US will be kicked out of the UN.

If anyone is ever in a social argumant with 4 or more people, one knows that facts are not of the conversation at hand, even if they incluede politics. What people want to do is enjoy themselves. What people want to do it laugh. And they do. When they talk of politics, it is not a debate of facts, rather "who can humiliate the other side more". Truth and lies are spread out, and no one walks away smarter. People who actually know what they are talking about are ignored, cause they are not funny.

Does this casual dissmissal of "commen sense" scare you? Does the fact that ignorence is celebrated at every roast fest make you think? Some day, will we elect a comedian to the presidency? Lol, ok mabye I'm going a little to far. But still...

angelof_hero @ 2005-06-21T22:57:00

2005-06-22T03:18:16Z

I was workning with my mom today for her company. We had gone on a trip to some qiant place where honda car parts are made. Anyway, I don't know if it was seeing all those people working 8 hour shifts doing the same thing, or if it was the fact that the place had no future that I started thinking. Mabye it was seeing some guys go to what was the social cetner of the town; Wendy's, all looking like having a good time. I never had that high school expiriance, of hanging out with a true freind. Here I am, working at Petsmart, which I am beguining to hate. It bores me, yet I make it my life, to try to pay off 2000$ in bills. Nothing in my life seems to motivate me, or to take my interest. So what it the point? How is my life different than those workers working at 8 dollars an hour doing the same thing for 20 years or more?

I'm an eagle scout, a brother of Pi Kappa Phi, a college studant and I have oppertunities up the wazoo and a "future", yet I still cannot find my "raison d'etre", my reason to be. Am I just waiting for something to happen? For Ray to come along and rescue me, despite the ridiculous-ness of that idea that I'll never see him again? Do I live to see Wes again, after the summer? Or is it the fraternity that keeps me going? I don't think so. Is it knowing that I bring life to my familly? What is to happen if I dissapear?

I want to start it all over. Fix whatever it was that made me a loser in school, whatever it was that made me so awkward to be around. Re-do my life so that I do get to have that expiriance of a freind in school, someone to make a life worth living.

Am I being a little selfish here? Be honest, I need it

angelof_hero @ 2005-06-14T13:52:00

2005-06-14T17:53:29Z

Haha look at what kind of lightsaber I have. I was tempted to say that I would want to pilot a star destroyer, but I said A-wing instead cause they are fucking badass.

Green is your Lightsaber's color.

Green is the color of nature. It symbolizes growth,
harmony, and freshness. Green has strong
emotional correspondence with safety. Green is
also commonly associated with wealth and
happiness, so someone with a green lightsaber
like yourself is a fortunate soul.

What Colored Lightsaber Would You Have?
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